I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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