Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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