bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There r osticjed everywhere
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
