he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You were trust falling into bushes
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
