I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
