I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
