I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Also, beer. Big fan.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
