my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
