OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
