I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize