You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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