He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize