By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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