wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
