So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
