He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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