Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
