she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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