Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
