dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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