Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I wear drunk well.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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