If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
