my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
