I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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