You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
