i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
