I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
