The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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