I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
