Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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