My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
