i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
