If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
