Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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