Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
