I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
