Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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