the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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