so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
