everyone is single if you try hard enough
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
