You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
