btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
