I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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