I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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