Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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