atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
