i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
