I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
