Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
