Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
