My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
