All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize