why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
