wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
