After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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