Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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