im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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