I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
