remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think my fart just growled at me.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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