I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize