How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize