Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
