i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
